Inside The Mind of Sam Winchester
by BloodyMaryBloodyMaryBloodyMary
Summary: I kind of got bored and started thinking what it would be like to be Sam Winchester. I came up with this oneshot, written purely for fun!


There's never a place I can go to think. Ever. I mean, I think, I'm not stupid. But my thoughts are never so clear anymore.

I don't live a normal life. I live a supernatural life. My brother and I, for lack of a better word, are demon hunters. I know what you're thinking. We're some ghostbuster fakes. I sware, we're not. We've met a few during our road trips, but we're the real deal. I'm not going to lie to you. There's some really creepy shit out there, and it's the stuff that makes up nightmares. Only I don't get the luxury of waking up.

I find myself missing the people I've lost. My mother, for one, who died when I wasn't even a year old. My father, who is another story altogether. My girlfriend, Jess, who died at the hands of what killed both my mother and father. I think I'm missing part of myself as well. The person I thought I was before I began to travel the country is completely gone. I've redefined me, and the edges are fuzzy.

I'm not talking to Dean about it, my brother. He'd call me a wuss or emo or something like that. He wouldn't listen. It's not that he never listens or anything, but when it comes to emotional feelings, he freezes up. I mean, it's not like I'm sobbing about my lost puppy or the fact I broke a nail or something. I think that with the life I've lived I'm allowed to want to release some of that pain.

There's part of me that's so completely evil, I shove it to the back of my head. I try to pretend it's not there, but I can't ever completely forget it's there. I mean, I've been _possessed _in my lifetime. Not many people can say that. I'm psychic. A real, honest to god, see things through the eyes of another psychic. I've moved things through telekenisis. Only once, but still I have. No one else in my family does this. I'm the black sheep in the family. I'm the one who wanted to be normal, forget all of this, but what do I get for it? My brother doesn't have these problems. I know for a fact he doesn't worry about whether he's flipping to the "dark side" or not. He doesn't worry about if he's crazy or not. He just lives his life, hunting demon after demon with little remorse.

I think he's got it easy. Just once, I wish he could be me.

Wow, that sounded pretty childish. I sound like some suicidal teenager.

But it's true. Dean wouldn't last one day as me.

We live illegally basically. Credit card scams, mostly. If we ever get caught, we owe a lot of people a LOT of money. Sometimes I wish I could for once live in the same place long enough for me to even get to know the area, nonetheless try to get a steady job. I mean, I was finishing up college. I was ready to go out into the world. Then again, I don't even know what normal is anymore, so I could never even try to live in a "normal" world.

And another thing. Do I just look like a target? I've broken so many bones, been in so many fights, and been harmed in too many ways. Very imaginative ways, actually. Dean, on the other hand, may get into a few decent bar fights, but nothing like me. He gets to play superman nearly once a week. He hams it all up, when he saves me or anyone else, Mr. Superhero. Whatever, I don't want the tights, but I sure as hell still don't want to be the one in distress.

I mean, have you ever fought off a vampire? Do you even believe in Bloody Mary? Or how about the devil? Do you even know what a Wendigo is? My point proven.

If I've learned one thing from it all, it's Latin. I know it's a dead language, but I'm quite well versed in it all. I mean, if you ever need a pesky spirit away, I know enough in Latin to send it right back to it's maker.

There are so many things I kind of wish I could fight. Like, for one, I'm just waiting to be called to kill the Snuggle's teddy bear. That little demon is just asking for it. He's gotta be evil.

After all of it, I'm just worried that my last words are going to be something like, "Dean, I told you this place was haunted," or "Damn, this thing can kill people!"

* * *

**A/N: Hey, guys, it's been a while. I just needed to write something. I've had sooooo much shit go down in my life in the past week and it's been building in me for a while. I'm finding myself a bit alienated by a lot of people all of a sudden and I had to pick the time people are away to break down. I wrote a crapload of poems, and then thought of this (if anyone else writes poems too, you can post them at poetsanctuary, where I do. I'm Danceinthemoonlite on that sight if you wanted to read some of my poems). This story was basically stuff any decent supernatural fan should know, but I just wanted to write it from Sam's point of view. (Lauren, plz don't get mad that I uploaded this without you editing it. Im sorry, but I had to.)**


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